


Expiation

by iarna



Category: Worm - Wildbow
Genre: Angst, Gen, Lustrum's Maybe Not So Bad, Major Enby Character, Other, thinker!Taylor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-07 18:45:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8811952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iarna/pseuds/iarna
Summary: Taylor can _see_ the flaws all around her. So when her almost-aunt returns home, Taylor's gonna join her organization's new team made up of Circus and Tattletale. Now if Circus would just stop making Taylor blush maybe they could get on with saving the city from its Heroes!





	1. 1.1: Introspection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Taylor and learn how she's coping after the flute incident. We also learn a family friend will be visiting soon…

** Thursday **

It was getting dark in my room and I realized I’d been curled up in a corner crying on and off since I got home from school. It’d been three days since… since… Emma had defiled my mother’s flute. I shook my head trying to clear the image of it, of all the things she’d done to it, smashed, covered in …, then… no, that’s just what I was trying to stop.

I glanced at the clock, six, my father should be calling me to dinner any moment. I took a deep breath and scooched over to the edge of the bed and looked around my room, trying to recenter myself. My school bag was sitting next to my small desk, an old wooden chair painted bright yellow pushed up to it. The bag showed small stains I hadn’t quite managed to clean off on a strap and on the side from the pranks of my tormenters. My eyes were drawn to a hairline crack in the leg of the chair, mmm, we’ll have to glue that or something? I don’t really know anything about repairing furniture. My eyes slipped down to my feet, in my favorite super fluffy house socks—dirty around the edges from our rarely vacuumed floors and frizzing and wear everywhere else.

I wiggled my toes and tried on a smile. Erhm, no. It didn’t feel right, it felt plastic, numb, not a part of my face. Oh well. I hopped up, leaving my room and going to the bathroom. I wetted a wash cloth to maybe wash away the puffy redness a bit before going downstairs and caught myself staring at smudging along the left of the mirror. Right where we’d grab it to open medicine cabinet behind it. I rubbed at the smudge and then noticed where a tiny bit of chrome on the frame had chipped. And ugh, I shook my head. Somehow it seemed like ever since the fl… since Em… since… well, then, I’d been unable to stop focusing on how everything in my life was shit. It’d been that way for a while, sure, but now I couldn’t help but see how _everything_ was falling apart.

I sighed and rewetted the washcloth and scrubbed my face. Well, maybe my eyes weren’t really any less red but now the rest of my face kind of matched. Looking at myself I winced, my eyes not quite symmetrical, my mouth too wide, and the abrasion on my cheeks from scrubbing had reddened them, my hair was frizzy with split ends and… I turned my head from the mirror, closed my eyes, and willed the intrusive thoughts away. This wasn’t me. I was never thrilled with how I looked, but I was never one of those girls who obsessed over it… except clearly I was. Sigh. Great, now in addition to being depressed I was shallow too. Uh, am I depressed? I…

“Taylor, dinner’s ready.” I heard my father yell up from downstairs.

I swallowed my thoughts and prepared to put on a good face for Dad. Well, an adequate face anyway. Well, at least not face that would drag him down with me.

“I’ll be right there.” I yelled back.

I quickly washed my hands, trying very hard to not look at anything, though a glimpse at the hand towel and all I can think is that it’s both threadbare and way overdue for a wash itself. Yuck.

❦

I walked into the kitchen as Dad was draining spaghetti noodles. Spaghetti, one of his “easy meals” that are all we seem to have since Mom died. The kitchen is old, New England old, which means it was laid out before modern appliances, so nothing fits quite right. These older houses have a muted feel to them that comes from so many layers of paint that the details of the woodwork underneath have started to vanish and ours is no exception. We’ll be eating at a small breakfast table with two chairs in the corner next to a window. We actually have a dining room, but I can’t remember the last time we used it. When my parents had their friends over I guess. Mom always used to prefer the kitchen—she’d say it was more intimate.

I pulled out the only two of our plates that don’t have tiny cracks spider webbing over them or chips or other flaws I can’t bear to eat off of. They still have scratches, scuff marks from our utensils but nothing’s perfect (nothing’s ever perfect, _everything’s broken_ ). I set them down next to the pot of cooling too watery sauce and dance around Dad as he moves the now drained noodles over to the plates. I glanced at him and he—he seemed tense—like maybe he wanted to talk. But we don’t really talk any more, and I’m not going to start. I’d have to tell him about Emma. About school. About everything, and I don’t think I can. It would destroy him. And the last thing I want is to obsess over them while I’m at home. If their bullying somehow destroyed my home life too, I… somehow that would be letting them win. As long as this was _mine_ then I was ok. I could claim this space apart from them. I laid out the silverware and grabbed a plate full of noodles and ladled sauce on to them. They’re over cooked. They’re always overcooked.

My father got his plate and sits down across from me. He looked up at me and then back down at the table. Well, this is even more awkward than usual.

“Taylor, are you, uh, how are you doing?”

“Fine,” I said between bites, without meeting his eyes. Ugh, am I being a stereotypical sulky teen? Oh well, there are extenuating circumstances. Not that I’m going to tell him that.

“That’s… good”. He didn’t sound convinced but thankfully moved on. “Your aunt Elizabeth is going to be visiting this weekend.”

I startled, my gaze went to him and I really look at him for the first time since I came downstairs. I can’t help but notice is he’s looking worn. There’s almost no other word for it, it’s not just one thing, but a bunch… his hair thinning ever so slightly, the darker spots under his eyes that you can tell are always there now, something about the cast of his skin. And over that, the ever present blanket of grief since Mom died that even in three years hasn’t faded.

Trying to shake that train of thought I took a sip of water. Ugh, over fluoridated, some minor sediment, the taste of rust maybe from our pipes. Still, that’s better. “Ooh,” I said, trying to sound a bit more perky, “it’ll be nice to see her again. She was mom’s friend in college wasn’t she?” Sometimes sounding happier brings my mood along for the ride. Or so I tell myself. I think it used to.

My father took another bite and swallowed. “That’s right… well, we were both her friend.”

She spent holidays with us till I was six. Well more than holidays, truth be told, she seemed ever present in my early childhood, present almost more often than she wasn’t. She even joined us on vacations. I think the first time I saw my mom cry was when aunt Beth moved to California. I didn’t quite understand what was going on at the time or I think I would have too. That Christmas I did cry when I found out she wasn’t going to be there. Now that I’ve thought about it, it’s obvious that she was closer than some friend from college. I guess I just filed her away as that since that was always how they introduced her to others. Somehow it didn’t seem odd at the time, despite her being all but family.

Remembering her I found myself smiling a little and for the first time in a week it almost feels genuine. I glanced across at dad. He had the hint of a smile too—we’ll both be happy to see aunt Beth again I guess, but there’s something else in his expression… trepidation? Concern? I can’t quite place it but it’s worrying at me like the imperfections in the bathroom mirror were.

I picked up my plate and took it over to the sink and started filling it to start on the dishes. With that I lost myself to our evening routine.


	2. 1.2: Reconnection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Beth and learn a bit more about here. Beth figures some things out about Taylor too…

** Saturday **

I’d had a glass of orange juice as my breakfast—if I didn’t at least show my face then Dad would get nosy—well, if he noticed. Now I was working on my homework—well, that’s what I’d told Dad. I did have homework to do, but I wasn’t looking at it. I couldn’t get yesterday out of my head. I’d gone to school like usual but couldn’t shake the pervading sense of wrongness. The teachers were wrong, the students were wrong, the _building_ was wrong. The classes were, well, they were normal. Nothing unusual actually happened, except that deep sense of brokenness. It would’ve been one of the best days in a while, if it weren’t for the conclusion.

I’d managed to notice all of Madison’s petty little pranks before she pulled them on me and somehow had avoided them. Cute little Madison, so childish and and innocent. I knew different, but she was good at projecting her image. If I’d been new to the school I might even have believed it. Yesterday she’d seemed different, beneath her bubbly exterior I got the sense of someone deeply unhappy, acting the way she was out of habit and … obligation maybe? She clearly got no joy out of tormenting me—well, trying and failing to. I’d’ve expected her to be frustrated by that, angry even—but she wasn’t. If I’d done that to Emma she would have escalated and escalated till I left the school in tears.

So for once I had a day without adding any new juice stains, or having to shake pencil shavings out of my hair, or pluck tacks from my shoes. That would have made it a good day—but then there was Sophia. She… she was always the physical one. Her obvious self assuredness and lithe track star body made her stand out in a crowd—but I didn’t see any of that—what I saw was a hateful girl who never failed knock my things on the floor as she passed. A girl whose foot would somehow end up in front of mine as I descended the last few steps on the school’s staircases. The girl who’d _accidentally_ shoulder into me knocking me sprawling on the floor, laughing about how clumsy _I_ was. But more than anything, the girl who’d taken my best friend from me.

Yesterday she’d punched me. Like, actually, with a fist. She’d been up to her usual games and after all these months I guess something had finally clicked and I was able to see them coming. Somehow I was able avoid her her, hopping over her feet, side stepping her in the hall, I guess she wasn’t trying very hard, I’d never managed to avoid her even once in the past.

After lunch I had a study hall that I spent in the library. When she saw me in the library, I knew I was in trouble. Her face was a mask of frustration. She expressed her displeasure at my being too “slippery” and how people like me shouldn’t try to avoid what we had coming to us. I don’t know what I did to set her off at that point. Maybe I didn’t cower enough? Maybe I cowered too much? Either way she punched me, straight on and _fast_. Despite being unexpected, I somehow I managed to twist a bit before it landed and instead of leaving me with a black eye, she hit me just above my ear, slamming my head back against the stacks. I crumpled to the floor and she did her usual thing about me being the lowest of the low or something. To be honest I wasn’t really paying attention any more.

Sitting there on the floor after she left, my head throbbing, all I could think of was how wrong the library felt. How stupid is that? I’d just been assaulted. Like, in a way adults would actually see as assault. And I was fixated on this nebulous sense that everything is just a bit out of place. I did catch the librarian watching me. Fucking figures that she saw everything and did nothing. The fucking staff and fucking teachers at my school. Still, I was just thankful I didn’t have to explain a black eye to my father. Some lumps under my hair? Yeah, he’d never notice that—

❦

My thoughts were interrupted by the door bell and I realized it must be aunt Beth. Dad said she’d be here today but I never got around to asking when. I headed downstairs and saw Dad opening the door and… there she was. She looked hardly any different then I remembered her. Black hair and dark olive skin. And… a few inches shorter than me. I still remember looking up at her the last time I saw her. She was striking in that way that professional women in their forties often are. She exuded a calm confidence and put-togetherness. Dad welcomed her and they hugged and she came in and I was still standing there staring at her. She’s the least wrong thing I’ve seen in days. I’m struck by how inured to the miasma of wrongness I’ve become. I didn’t even know it was still there until saw her. She’s not perfect. There’s a small crease by her arm on her blouse that wasn’t quite ironed out. A few hairs not under control. But—and that’s when she spotted me.

“Taylor? There you are!” she said and rushed over and gathered me up in a hug.

It… I… I realized I didn’t know the last time I was hugged and it’s all too overwhelming and I felt tears rolling down my cheeks and… I held on tighter and managed to croak out. “It’s—it’s so good to see you aunt Beth.” She broke off the embrace and I managed to smile at her. And… it almost felt genuine.

❦

Once she’d stowed her things in our guest room we all sat down in the living room with some tea. I stared at my teacup hating its imperfection, cracks in the enamel and somehow it had a very faint stain from previous cups of tea and scuff marks on the bottom from stirring and… when I realized that Beth had been speaking for a while.

“… and that’s when I moved to DC for a year. I’ve been setting up facilities in new cities, so once one is going me and my team are moving on.”

“Um, what is it that you do aunt Beth?”

She smiled and said “Oh, right, you were probably a bit little to remember any of that weren’t you Taylor? I work for a foundation, well, technically it’s a public interest corporation. Have you heard of the Vanguard for Universal Solidarity?”

“Ah,” it sounded familiar, “maybe? Don’t they, like, provide support to Simurgh quarantine zones?” The Simurgh attacked rarely, but she was easily the most feared of her siblings. The lack of volunteers willing to work near the quarantine zones had been an ongoing humanitarian crisis, threatening those inside with something closer to execution than simply segregation.

She smiled, a little tightly I thought. “That is the thing we’re probably best known for. We also provide support and services for the homeless, and goodness knows there are more and more of those every day. We also provide free clinics and free alternatives to public schools in places where those schools are failing their students. And well, all sorts of other things. What I do, is help get new services online. Most of the time that means opening locations in new cities.”

There was a lull in conversation and oh god, was I supposed to say something? “Uhm, that must be hard? Moving all the time?”

She shook her head. “It was a bit lonely at first, but I have a good team that moves with me and they keep me company…” She continued talking about her work. Dad thankfully picked up my half of the conversation, leaving me to sit quietly.

I sipped my tea and as I watched I felt like I could see the spider web of cracks that was in the teacup forming in the air, almost in the conversation itself, a buzzing haze of brokenness. Words unsaid. I glance at Dad and it was almost as if there was a haze of purple and blue lines around his head. I mean, there wasn’t of course. There was just him, looking worn, putting on his best face. But still, somehow he gave the _impression_ one. I turned back to Beth peering more closely at the lines between her and Dad as she talked.

“… so most of our work lately has been trying to establish safe zones in cities,” Beth continued.

“Why didn’t you come to Mom’s funeral?” I blurted out and then immediately slapped my hands over my mouth. Oh god why did I say that? Where did that come from? I…

Beth was silent for a moment, looking stricken. “I… Taylor, I’m so sorry, I wanted to, you don’t know how much I wanted to, but, well, I was jail at the time.”

Dad just shook his head and said “You always did put your causes before family, didn’t you Beth? What was it this time? Handcuff yourself to a PRT gate?”

He looked… not better, but more genuine then he’d looked since he told me she was coming. Angry and hurt. Not _mad_ but something unresolved. Like there was a hurt from a long time ago that he’d never quite gotten rid of.

“It… I guess I deserve that, but Danny, it wasn’t like that. I was in Philadelphia at the time and they’d manufactured a witness. Claimed we were building bombs or some nonsense. They came in and arrested our entire office, held us for two weeks then dropped charges. I didn’t even know Annette had died till I got out. And well… I should have come then. I’m sorry.” 

She took a deep breath and looked Dad square on. “I’m not sorry I took this position when I did Danny. It was the right thing to do. We’ve done so much good. But I’m sorry that I let things go quiet between all of us. I… I was the one leaving, it was on me to keep things going.”

Dad looked… surprised and the way his face was set like maybe he was holding back tears?

She turned toward me and I looked at her mortified. I still didn’t know where that question had come from…

“Taylor, I’d like to apologize to you too. I shouldn’t have disappeared from your life. I…”

Agh, it was too awkward and quickly interrupted her. “It’s ok aunt Beth, really, I’m just glad you’re here now.” 

Sensing my desire to change the topic, Beth switched to the only thing worse. “So, how have you been Taylor? How’s school?”

Fore the love of… I probably had a haunted expression on my face. I sure felt like I did. I so did not want to talk about this. “It’s fine. I’m fine, uh, I’ve been reading a lot.” Ugh, that was probably obvious. Please don’t ask more, please, please, please.

“Oh, what have you been reading?” she asked.

Oh thank goodness. “Mostly I’ve been going through the biography’s in Dad’s old library… Bakunin, Kropotkin, Goldman.” I smiled a little. “It’s been really interesting reading about the turn of the last century, but a little depressing how many of the same problems we have today.”

Beth grinned, “Ah, so the classics. I can recommend some modern takes on the same topics if you’re interested. There’s been some particularly interesting writing done around parahumans, given their difficulty in participating in the economy.”

❦

After a few hours of thankfully free of both school and weird vibes between Beth and my father, I was starting to get hungry.

“I think it’s about dinner time… can we order out Dad? Can weeeee?”

Dad gave a little laugh. “Sure, I guess so, how about Chinese?”

“That sounds lovely,” Beth said, “I can pick it up? I assume there’s still no place that’ll deliver here? Want to come along Taylor?”

“Ah… sure, I’d like that.” Being with her would surely be less awkward then spending time alone with Dad. Today had been… nice? Much less uncomfortable than a few hours sitting across from him usually was.

Dad called in the order and I picked myself up and joined Beth by the door as we both slipped our shoes on. Beth and I walked out to her car. It was an older… something? I don’t really know cars. Sedan of some kind. It was a bit dirty, and the tire nearest me looked just a little low on air. On the side I got the sense that it’d been dented something awful and then repaired, though I wasn’t sure exactly what caught my eye. And I would swear the windshield had been replaced recently, it seemed fresher somehow then the other glass. Clearly this little car had been through a lot.

“Taylor?”

I blinked and blushed lightly. “Sorry.” I made my way around to the passenger side and let myself in. She started the car and I blurted out, “You really need to change your oil.” And she did, I could just _tell_.

She didn’t say anything about my outburst for a moment, pulling out of our drive way and on to the road. As we pull away she said “So are cars a hobby for you to?”

“I… no, I don’t know anything about them really…”

She was quiet for a few minutes as she navigated the little side streets near our house. Thankfully, so was I.

“We’ve been slowly adding parahuman services to our organization. Brockton Bay is looking to have our first full team.”

I nodded slowly. “But… how does that work? I thought you couldn’t pay parahumans to use their powers? Something about not taking jobs from unpowered people?”

“It’s possible, but difficult. That’s part of why these teams aren’t legally affiliated with us, you understand. But we have plenty of resources other than money that are legal for us to provide. Anyone is welcome to our charity of course,” she said, and grinned and winked at me. “And that’s not to say that we can’t slip a little under the table either.”

We pulled up to a red light and she turned to me. “Taylor, I’d like you to join that team.”

“I… what, but aunt Beth? I’m not a cape… I can’t do anything like that…”

She grinned and glanced at me before she pulled through the green. “No? Are you going to tell me that you really could tell from the sound of the car starting that I was overdue for an oil change?”

I… no, I couldn’t say that. Maybe… “Maybe… I guess?”

“It seems like some kind of thinker power? Improved insight maybe?” she asked.

I shook my head and looked around and it was suddenly so much clearer. It was like I’d been walking around without my glasses and now I’d put them on. The words came to me as I explained what I had been seeing. “I can see what’s _wrong_ with things. Like, I get kind of a sense of a colored haze around anything that’s imperfect and that’s uh, everything. Sometimes I get a sense of what’s wrong with things too? Maybe if I concentrate on the hazes… and wow…” I looked around, taking in the luminous masses of tangled lines, spiderwebbing cracks that almost superimpose everything. “I guess I’ve been seeing these for a while now but uh, it didn’t really make sense until just now.”

Beth finished driving us to the Chinese restaurant. She went in and picked up our order while I stared around at the artifacts of my power. My power. I’ve not been this excited since… I honestly can’t remember. I concentrate on a pidgin flying by with a red halo of cracks and get the sense that it has some sort of intestinal parasite. I look in at the person at the counter taking Beth’s money, who has copper and black cracks floating over them and get the sense of debt? Gambling debt maybe? And depression?

She sits back down in the car handing me our order to hold on the drive back.

As she backed the car out of the spot she said “So Taylor, wanna join our team?”

And… I do but I don’t. I always wanted to be a hero. Like Alexandria or Miss Militia. Even if the VUS is a good cause, joining a quasi-legal offshoot doesn’t sound very inspiring.

She seemed to read my thoughts. “You know there are more ways to be heroic then to be a Hero.” She said it such that I could feel the capital letter. “What were you thinking? Please tell me you aren’t considering the Wards? You know that they’re just tools of the PRT.”

“I know, heroes like Alexandria just reinforce the hegemony of the kyriarchy.” I repeated by rote. 

Beth laughed. “That sounds like Annette.” And it did. Mom drilled this stuff into me as soon as I started asking for Alexandria toys. “Well, how about I introduce you to our team next week and you can see what it’s actually like?”

I smiled. “I’d like that.”


	3. 1.3: Inspection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taylor at school! Plus her introduction to other folks at the Vanguard.

** Monday **

Aunt Beth had had to work Sunday and Dad was… well, Dad, so I'd spent Sunday sitting in my room _looking_ at things. Which, ok, sounds really pathetic. But it was actually really neat! With my power, _my power_ , everything seemed to have a story. I was getting better at distinguishing it from my own thoughts, though if I wasn't paying attention it could still catch me off guard. It didn't speak to me in words exactly but I could almost give it words. With some practice I was getting to be able to turn the the feelings I got into little sentences.

So it was with some trepidation that I returned to school on Monday. On the one hand, school. On the other… I was curious just what I'd see now. When I arrived I found the malaise I'd been feeling before had resolved itself into something more concrete. I could now see specific webs of cracks over almost everything and everyone. It turned out a bit underwhelming though because when I probed that—well—it was soo mundane. Students who had no interest in being there. Ugh, I could have told you that, power. Teachers, likewise. The hallways full of relationships on the edge from various random infidelities and betrayals.

As I was standing in the hall glowering at how boring everyone was, Emma and her crowd of sycophants turned the corner. She was as gorgeous as ever. A little too short and a little too curvy to really hit what was typically considered model-beautiful, she modeled on the side just the same. I would have thought that all her nastiness of the past year would have changed how she looked to me. Let me see her inner ugliness on the surface. But no, instead it somehow just honed her, made her sharper. She cut at me just by being. It was never like that, before. I’d never spared a thought about being best friends with the pretty-girl. But now just seeing her sent me tumbling into my insecurities, my rail thin frame, my unmanageable hair and so on. My power certainly wasn't helping either—every time I looked in a mirror it was all to fast to point out every flaw there. I was beginning to hate mirrors. 

Emma. I'd been both terrified and anxious to see her. I was hoping to maybe finally understand why she'd betrayed me. But she didn't show the same spiderweb of cracks floating in a haze around her head like I did with everyone else. No, instead there was a canyon, a single giant crack running where her face should be. It obscured everything and I couldn't look away. What could cause something like that? What did it mean? Was she that much more broken than anyone else I’d seen? Was it just one really big thing? Could I…

“… is she staring at Emma?”

Oh no, her entourage had noticed me, I needed to get away before… but my eyes were drawn back to the abyss that was Emma's face as they drifted closer.

“She's so weird, what does she think she's doing?”

“Staring like that, does she have a crush?”

“Yuck! Don't even say that! Who'd want an ugly thing like her following you around?”

I barely heard their voices. I could feel my power reaching out for an explanation for… whatever that was…

«Betrayed the person she was closest to.»

Um, power, I know that. I was there. You can do better than that.

«Shows symptoms of surviving extreme trauma. Shows no signs of recovery. Fighting to maintain superficial mask of normalcy.»

Dimly I realize they've been talking at me, _she's_ been talking at me the whole time. The abyss had dimmed and I could see her face through it again.

“Aww, she must have finally lost her mind. No surprise, she was never that stable. Gonna have to lock her up with the crazies now.” Emma shook her head and her voice dripping with faux sympathy, said “Such a shame, I'm sure it'll be hard on her poor father, losing his wife and then his daughter.”

I felt numb. I shook my head and walked on past them to my next class. Emma, what happened to you? For once, she and her flock didn't try to stop me.

❦

My next class was World Issues with the irritatingly chipper Mr Gladly. Today’s topic was the history of the PRT, which I probably knew better than he did. We were getting the candy coated version of course. Officially created in 1994 initially to provide support to existing law enforcement organizations in dealing with parahuman criminals. Early on they coordinated with the FBI and the ATF—these days those organizations were divisions of the PRT. He talked about them in glowing terms, organizing teams of parahumans to deal with the new criminal threat. He didn’t talk about how they’d nearly entirely subsumed local police.

See, the PRT held jurisdiction anywhere if a parahuman was suspected of involvement in any part of a crime. And the PRT was very suspicious. It wasn’t hard for them to insist on being involved in nearly any matter though. They’d say that maybe the criminal involved had spoken to someone else who might have been involved with a gang that had a parahuman member, ta-da, PRT involvement justified. At this point local police were basically only used for traffic stops. And if those ended up being anything more than a traffic stop, they’d wait for the PRT to come by and take over. For a little while this had seemed better—it had eliminated the local good-old-boy networks that kept abusive and racist cops on the streets. But it only took a few years before local PRT branches had ended up as bad or worse then the old local cops.

And oh yeah, now he was talking about the expansion into Canada. That was maybe five years ago? To the surprise of no American, they’d quickly supplanted the RCMP and were on the path to do the same for provincial and municipal law enforcement. That made them the first truly multinational police agency that simultaneously did city-level law enforcement. 

❦

It was a weird day. I kind of drifted from one class to the next, participating even less than usual. It's like all three of, Emma, Madison and Sophia, were taking the day off. Passing her in the hall, Emma and her entourage kept walking even as I flinched. Those flinches usually drew her like a fly to honey, but today not even a comment. Madison had kept to herself too, though I'd swear I caught her looking at me once with what was a guilty expression on her face. Unlike Emma, her spiderwebs… didn't look any different than anyone else in class. She seemed… utterly normal.

«Suppressed effects of social trauma. Suppressed guilt. Unsuppressed guilt. Exaggerated sense of importance of current social circumstance. Distance from and discomfort with family.»

Well, that last one was like sixty percent of the class. I really, really hated confirming stereotypes but here we were, a class full of teenagers, feeling angsty about our friends or our families. The other forty percent had varying intensities of trauma that my power refused to be more specific about. That I wasn't any different _did not_ make me feel any better about it.

Sophia, well, Sophia was keeping her distance too, never even glancing my way. I didn’t get a good look at her till just after my last class. I was disappointed but not quite surprised to find that the violent and friend-stealing bitch was less broken than my former friend. She… I some how got the sense of a broken mirror that had been glued back together. She had layers of cracks, imperfectly repaired…

«Imperfectly recovered from trauma. No meaningful relationship with brother. Actively hostile towards mother. Blames mother for trauma. Blames father for distance. Manipulative relationship with only friend. Terrified of losing only friend. Unable to connect with teammates. Alternatively disconnected from and torments teammates. Disconnected from consequences of behavior. Successfully disassociates herself from the harm she causes others up to and including death.»

Wow that was way more specific then usual… including death?! Fuck I'd better make sure I'm never alone with her. I wouldn't have put much past her but I'd never have thought she was a murderer. 

«Over reliance on power.»

Wait, what? POWER? SOPHIA'S A CAPE? Don't stare at her Taylor, don't stare at her, just keep walking and don't let her notice you. I stumbled through the hallway, leaving the sounds of laughter behind me, my mind in a turmoil. Was the laughter at my expense? Of course it was.

❦

I found Beth waiting for me after my last class ended. I got in with her but was still lost in my own head. Er, more than usual, shut up.

As we pulled away Beth said “So I can’t help but notice that you still haven’t told your father about…” She waved her hand about vaguely.

No, no I hadn’t. I guess I really should, but somehow the thought of trying to have that conversation with him tied my stomach in knots. I shook my head quickly. “Uh, no, um, I don’t… think I’m ready to”. My head swam with excuses—that I still didn’t really know the extent of what I could do—that I didn’t know what I could actually use it for—that he just wasn’t up to a conversation like that right now and we should wait for a different week. But they all felt too obvious to me and I held my tongue.

After a few minutes of awkward silence she asked, “So how was school?”

“Fine.” No worse than any other day. Better really. As we drove my mind wandered back the chasm that was Emma and to Sophia… Sophia fucking Hess, friend thieving bane of my existence was apparently a Villain, out there killing people. I shouldn’t be surprised…

After a few more minutes, she asked, “What’s on your mind?”

I… didn't really want to answer that. I’d been thinking about what I’d learned about Sophia. But if I told her about Sophia I'd have to tell her why Sophia mattered which would mean telling her about the bullying… and Emma. And if I told her about that, she'd tell Dad and… I shook my head, "It's nothing important Aunt Beth, my uhm, I just learned some surprising things about some of my classmates."

“Oh yes?”

Erm, I shouldn't have left that open ended. “I, uh, probably shouldn't say, it's kind of personal, you know?”

“Of course, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pried. I'm glad you're treating your new power so responsibly.”

I almost snorted. Turns out when you can see how people are broken you spend a lot of time seeing things they don’t want you to know. So yes, learning the shape of the dirty secrets of my entire school, super responsible.

❦

We arrived at the Vanguard office. It was in the docks, surprisingly close to the upscale boardwalk—Brockton Bay had those places where you cross the street and the property value doubles. This was definitely on the poor side of that line. It was in an seventies era office park that had seen better days. These offices probably used to be shipping companies, back before the boat graveyard and what was probably one of the singular most expensive acts of industrial sabotage ever. The office was announced by its logo on the door and… that was it. A few cars in the parking lot. I knew that they must have other locations but I couldn’t help but being disappointed that we weren’t going somewhere where they actually _did_ something, actually helped people.

We went inside and… well, it actually looked like dad’s union office more than anything else. Worn, but well cared for. No money spent that wasn’t actually necessary. There was a reception desk, though no one was at it at the moment and a partition behind it. The reception desk was odd, it felt out of place to me, like it didn’t belong in this room at all. Was that my power or was I just being weird again? Ugh, sometimes it was hard to tell.

“Why don’t you have a seat Taylor and I’ll go find our appointment,” Beth said, waving me over to a seat.

I closed my eyes as I sat, willing away the vision of flaws in the chair. She left and I found myself looking at a rather melancholy water color painting of a rainy day in the bay when it was still often full of boats. I’d found I rather liked looking at art, my power didn’t seem to have any opinion about it. I’d gotten rather lost in thoughts of exactly why someone would choose such a dreary painting to welcome guests when a man came in and leaned against the reception desk. 

“You’re Taylor right? I’m Paul. Beth said you were out here… she shouldn’t be much longer,” he said with a smile, “can I get you something to drink? Coffee? Water?”

He was dressed it—I guess you’d call it business casual—a button down shirt tucked into belted slacks. He was an almost painfully good looking man, clean shaven with dark brown skin and short curly hair with just a touch of grey. His face, if he’d been younger I might have called it cute but he’d reached the age where no word other than handsome would do. Still, his smile had a boyish charm to it.

“Uhm, hi. Water would be nice?”

“Sure thing” he said and ducked back around the partition. A moment later he came back with a dixie cup of water and handed it to me and leaned back against the reception desk.

“Thanks,” I said and took a sip of the water and not wanting to lapse into awkward silence, asked “So, uh, what is this office used for anyway? It’s kind of out of the way…”

“Administration mostly—payroll, all the legal stuff, the folks who work with local politicians and businesses–so, you know, the dirty work,” he said. “So Beth said you’re talking about volunteering?”

“I think so, maybe?” she wouldn’t have told anyone, would have she? No no, what am I thinking, of course she wouldn’t’ve. She hasn’t told Dad, she wouldn’t tell a stranger.

“That’s great. It’s always heartening to see young folks getting involved. So I’m guessing you were hoping to help around the office here? Maybe get some work experience?”

I sat there for a moment wide-eyed not knowing how to respond. “Uh, I don’t know? We… we didn’t really get that far?” Oh god, I was so bad at this. Oh god am I blushing? Damn it Taylor.

Paul laughed and grinned. “Don’t worry about it, I’m sure Beth’ll get you sorted out.”

I was starting to fidget when Beth returned.

“Ok Taylor, I’ve got someone to introduce you to now,” Beth said, smiling, “and Paul, thanks for keeping Taylor company.”

I got up and followed Beth deeper into the office, doing a little wave to Paul. She led me through a room full of desks to a little office behind them. The office was cramped, just barely room for the desk and two small guest chairs. The occupant was a petite woman in her mid thirties with shoulder length brown hair tied back in a ponytail, wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a brown jacket. Beth introduced us, her name was Karen and she was the liaison for their new parahuman team. Beth excused herself and I was left there standing in front of this woman.

“Please, Taylor, sit. I’m sure you’ve got a lot of questions but those are best answered by the team. Before I introduce you to them, I need to ask you a couple of questions.”

She spoke very precisely and well, I guess, professionally.

“You know that I don’t know if I’m joining, right? And um, what do you need to know?”

She nodded. “Yes, Beth filled me in. Well to start with, I need to know what name to introduce you with. Have you given that any thought? As weird as the whole cape-name thing is, it’s still worth taking advantage of.”

Ah, this I had an answer for. “I’ve given it some thought, I was thinking maybe Qualitas?”

Karen frowned in thought. “I’m sure that’s available… I take it you’re thinking of referencing your power? I’m concerned that it’s a bit on the nose. It’s good, especially for a Thinker, to give away as little as possible. Ah! How would you feel about Qualia?”

I thought about it a moment and nodded. “I like that, that sounds good.”

“Excellent. Ok, here’s a mask so you can go meet them.” She handed me a simple purple plastic masquerade mask with an elastic hanging down behind it. “Have you given any thought to how you’ll hide your identity?”

Ugh, a costume? On the one hand, I guess I’d really feel like a proper cape then… on the other hand I don’t know how you can wear something like that and not feel a bit foolish. I shook my head.

“That’s ok, you can chat about that with the team. Before I take you over to see them, do you have any questions?”

“I uh… what’s your role here? What does a parahuman team with the Vanguard actually _do_? Who’s already on the team? What would I be doing?” Oh geez, I felt myself blushing, too many at once.

“Well, as Beth said I’m the liaison between the Vanguard and our Brocton Bay parahuman team. For legal reasons, we’re distinct legal entities. My job is to make sure you know what goals we need help with, and make sure you have the resources you all will need. As for what that is, we’re still figuring out the details. Generally we use parahuman teams to provide backup for our observers who try to record any PRT activity. Just our presence can help reduce abuse. Here in Brockton Bay that will also include New Wave, which we have reason to be particularly concerned about. Since your team already has a Thinker and you’re one too, we would probably also have you provide advice around planning for the organization both locally and possibly nationally.”

She stopped to sip her coffee. “What else? Oh yes, so the team leader was established previously—here—you may have heard of her? Circus?”

I shook my head. “I haven’t really paid attention to that sort of thing.”

“Ah well, she’s just a couple years older than you but has quite a bit of experience. The PRT has her classified as a Villain which is awkward but we’re working on that. If you join we’ll be officially registering you as a Rogue. Her powers are a bit of a grab bag, it’s probably best for her to tell you about them. The other team member hasn’t made a public debut yet but is going by Tattletale. She’s the other Thinker, she has something along the lines of super effective deduction and intuition. As for what you’d be doing—I can’t say beyond what I’ve already said about your team. Really that would be up to you.”

I nodded, that made sense. “Oh, uh, I meant to ask my Aunt about it but she’d said something about the Vanguard having it’s own alternative schools? Would it be possible for me to transfer to one?”

“Ah, no, I’m afraid we don’t have one operating here in Brockton Bay yet.”

I could feel my face fall, I’d thought somehow that maybe getting powers would finally make things better.

“Is it that bad?”

I nodded numbly.

“Well, let’s see, you’re fifteen right? And if memory serves compulsory education ends at fifteen in this state, so you should be able to just withdraw from school and get a GED on your own terms. That’s the sort of thing I can help with as liaison, but even if you don’t join us I’m sure your Aunt would help.”

She seemed to realize I didn’t want to go directly to my father about it. Obviously I’d have to talk to him about it, but if I had someone else on my side it seemed somehow more achievable.

She glanced down at her phone and nodded. “Alright Taylor, let’s go meet your potential teammates.”


	4. 1.4: Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taylor is introduced to her new team! Our big Circus intro!

** Monday ** _(still)_

Karen led me out a back door and then had me put on the carnival mask. Instead of feeling awkwardly self conscious as I’d expected to, I found myself walking a little more confidently as I followed Karen down the alley. Somehow, with the mask on, I _did_ feel different—freed. I remembered a discussion in an English class about the power of masks to let you be someone different and how that applied literally and metaphorically, but it was one thing to know that was a thing and another to experience it. For some reason I’d expected that knowledge to, I don’t know, inoculate me against the effect or something.

I let out a little laugh when I realized she was just taking me to the door one office down. “This close?”

She held the door for me. “The separation between the Vanguard and the team is just a paper wall, really.”

I stepped through and was surprised to find what looked a bit like a living room. There was an L-shaped gray fabric couch in the corner. I let my power relax a little and the haze reentered my vision, someone had spilled something on one end of the couch at some point. I couldn’t see any difference but my power seemed to say that cushion was flawed. It also had some minor manufacturing defects but no more than most things. Little things like misaligned staples and inconsistent filling and…

“Hi there!”

My musing on the qualities of the couch were inputted by the sudden entry of a blond girl from the doorway leading back into the building. She was wearing jeans and a cropped motorcycle jacket over a purple top, and, I couldn’t help noticing, what looked to be Doc Martins, or some serious looking black leather boots anyway. On the jacket was a pin that said “These boots are for kicking fascists” which was, um, quite the statement in a city with the single largest neo-nazi organization in the country. Her grin looked supremely confident, although my power seemed to think something was off about it. She was wearing a black fitted domino mask that seemed to highlight her startling green eyes. Her dark blonde hair was a bit over shoulder length, falling freely without bangs. The overall effect was… intimidating and striking. 

“You… are our new thinker, huh? I’m Tattletale,” she said, her grin if anything got wider and she stuck out her hand to me.

I gave her a little smile as I shook her hand. “um, I’m Qualia?” I said a little uncertainly.

“You don’t know?”

I started to reply but then she answered herself.

“Ah you just chose it, no, SHE just chose it, but you liked it. Wow, and I thought they got to me when I was new. You’ve had your power for what, weeks? Days⁈ Damn!”

Well, I guess she can just carry on conversations entirely by herself. I guess that’s handy. I brought my power back into focus and looked at her again, her cracked web of flaws was more colorful than most I’d seen—black, blue, green and violet lines twisting through the fuzzy clouds that floated in front of her. I peered into the violet one, a new color to me and…

«Still suffering psychological after effects of not being attacked.»

What the hell does that mean? Thanks a lot power. I kind of wish I could just ask people about these kinds of things. Maybe it’d make sense to them. I peered at another, the black one, which I was pretty sure was depression related.

«Recovering from depression. Estranged from parents. Does not speak to parents. Felt father was using her as a tool. Guilt over suicide of sibling. Unresolved anger over mother blaming her for it.»

And yup, there we are. Plus there’s the parent related trauma I’d gotten used to seeing when I looked at other teens. A little more extreme in her case… doesn’t talk to… she couldn’t be much older than me, is she a runaway? I peered at another…

«Still not reconciled to breakup from months ago. Is over the relationship but concerned about reasons for breakup. Blames powers. Powers interfere with _intimacy_ …»

I found myself blushing slightly, I did not need to know that kind of thing about a new teammate.

“Well, you’re awfully quiet? No… using your power… using your power on me? Not learning anything too juicy I hope?” she asked and for a moment her smile slipped slightly, but then came back but it was obviously a bit forced. “Ah…”

I felt myself blushing crimson. “I uh, I’m sorry I, it’s still kind of new to me and it doesn’t normally give me that much detail and I kind of got lost in it and I’m really, really sorry, uh…”

She looked at me for a moment and then her smile seemed to become a little more genuine. “That bad huh? It’s ok, I understand how that is. I’ve just never been on the receiving end of it before.”

“So you may as well have a seat, Circus will be a minute or two.” She sat down herself. “So I have a bit of an idea, but what exactly is your power?”

“Um, I can kind of see what’s wrong with things, I guess? Kind of… how everything differs from how it _should_ be. So like, this sofa, I can see the manufacturing defects but I can also see all the new things wrong with it too, like that spot someone spilled something that you’re sitting on.”

Tattletale eeped and slid over and glowered a the cushion for a moment and then sighed with relief. “So that’s how your power works on things… it works on people too?”

“Yeah, it’s kinda the same I guess? I… I’m still figuring it out really, I’ve only been able to put words to what I’m seeing for a couple of days. With people it’s less specific… it can tell me about flaws in their presentation pretty well and what trauma they’ve encountered in a vague sense. There are some exceptions though–on rare occasions it seems to give me specific details.”

Tattletale looked thoughtful as she digested what I’d said. “That’s pretty useful. Does it work on ideas? Plans?”

I shook my head helplessly. “I don’t know? It seems like it should? It was pointing out errors in my textbooks, well once I got it to stop focusing on printing issues.”

“Well hello, who have we got here?” said a woman who must be Circus. I wouldn’t have called what she did walking. Walking was too mundane, she moved fluidly with silent grace, like a trained dancer. Her voice was pleasant… attractive… maybe a little husky. She was tall, well, maybe just an inch taller then me, but tall next to Tattletale. She was dressed in a light blue leotard with dark blue tights and sleeves. A pattern of silver stars ran down her sides. She wore her nearly shoulder length chestnut brown hair loose, parted to one side and held in place by the elaborately feathered carnival mask that was also blue with silver filigree highlighting her eyes. From my power’s point of view—

«Cracked feather, improper dye application. Insufficient glue to keep feather in place…»

Ah, not her mask you stupid power. I tried my best to focus on the ever present spiderweb beyond. It was a little hazier then I’d seen on other folks our age, but…

«Estranged from family, disowned by family. Unresolved guilt over things she’s had to do to survive.»

Ah geez, were there any capes with good relationships with their families? What she was feeling guilt over felt … blurry to me, but it didn’t have the sharp edge of violence that Sophia had, and so I let it go. Looking at the other spiderwebbing cracks there was another that I was beginning to recognize as self image issues, which, like depression was way too common…

It was then that I realized everyone was looking at me. And, oh damn, I’d just been sitting here staring at Circus, I _really_ needed to get that under control or everyone was going to think I was some kind of psycho.

“Um…” I started.

Circus laughed good naturally. “Damn Teetee, if you’d told me she was so cute, I’d have come out sooner.”

I blushed so hard I though I could feel my hands turning red, was she making fun of me? It sounded like one of Emma’s setups, but Tattletale caught my eye and gave me a small smile and an eye roll at Circus and a shrug. And… I guess she’s saying that it’s just Circus’ thing? And yes, now she’s smirking at me again, I guess that’s confirmation.

“Don’t break the new girl Circus,” Tattletale said, shaking her head, smile still on her face.

Circus grinned, and sat down next to Tattletale, crossed her legs, and looked over at me. “So the text said you’re going by Qualia, and are Thinker-stuff like Teetee, right? And, did I hear something about being able to vet plans? That would be amaaazing, but that can wait. Hmm, you probably want to know what we do, since we aren’t villains and we aren’t independent heroes.” 

“Uh… uhm, yeah, that’d be great actually.”

“Are you familiar with what the folks in the Vanguard who are focused on direct action do?”

I shook my head.

“Ok, so they do a bunch of things. Go out and make noise any time nazis or other hate groups show their faces in public. Hard to do that one here. They also do things like monitor the PRT and try to be present any time the PRT deploys, ready with cameras to try to keep them more honest. We’re kind of the cape version of that. When the protectorate or the wards or any independents go after someone, we want to be there to make sure everything’s on the up and up and provide public evidence when it isn’t.”

“Right now, we’re most concerned about Glory Girl—she’s got stellar public relations and yet all the rumors in the underground are that she’s way rougher than called for, but it never gets out ‘cause she can always bring her sister in to heal her victims.”

She shook her head. “She also has one of the lowest conviction rates of any hero in the country. Brockton Bay in general is pretty bad, but she’s the bottom of the bunch. Not that we’re particularly keen to send folks to jail, but torturing them instead is distinctly worse.” 

“So she’s our first real target. We’ve been trying to mirror her patrols, but it’s tricky with a flier like her. Also that she generally doesn’t tell anyone that she’s spotted someone till after the fact. The good news is that the Vanguard managed to get a hold of some tinker tech to help out.”

“The other thing we’re likely to end up doing is providing backup to the community safety teams if they get pushback from capes. They kind of do what the police and independents should be doing. They walk the streets in a neighborhood aiming to eliminate violent and dangerous behavior.”

I nodded. “So they’re kind of a neighborhood watch, but more organized? And well, I guess maybe more inclined to defend themselves?”

She grinned at me. “Ooh smart too, yes, exactly so. None of us are gonna call the PRT in for less than Lung. So yeah, we’re the cape backup for those teams. I know what you’re thinking, our team isn’t very heavy hitting right now. I can hit pretty hard.” A sledgehammer appeared in her hand for a moment and then vanished. “But what are a pair of thinkers to do? Don’t sell yourself short! But more importantly, we’ve got a line on a couple of options. It’s not all roses, they’re villains and well, being wanted by the PRT is awkward, but Karen insists we can probably do something?” Her eyes flicking to the woman in question.

“Probably. Some would be easier than others.”

“Aren’t _you_ a villain, why wasn’t it a problem for you?” I asked.

“That’s what the PRT has in my file, yup,” Circus said rather flippantly, “difference is, they can’t actually tie me to any crime. Oh, they’re suspicious, but there’s no evidence. So I can walk into their lobby and buy a plush Alexandria at their Gift Shop and they can’t do anything but say ‘That’ll be $21.50 ma’am.’” Circus’ grin started to take on a smugness that I’d previously only seen on Tattletale’s face.

I stared at her in disbelief and choked on a laugh. “You, you actually did that didn’t you?”

“She did. Just walked in, spent five minutes with PRT agents pointing guns at her, Armsmaster came down and demanded to know what she was doing there,” Tattletale said.

Looking extremely proud and smug now, Circus nodded. “Yup, and I tell him that that I’m there to buy an Alexandria plushy and he actually escorts me over to buy it.” She plucked a rather poorly made plush figure of Alexandria out of the air, grinned, then tossed it back and it vanished where it came from.

I couldn’t help but grin back. I felt my power prickling at me though, something about this story felt… incomplete. “So… then what happened?”

“Caught that did you? Yeah, it was about then that they apparently got orders from on high to hold me. Trying to dig up charges on me I guess. Confoamed the entire damn gift shop. Took a day and a half before our lawyers could force them to let me go,” she said shaking her head, “bastards.” Then she grinned again. “So, we’re scheduled to harass Glory Girl this evening. Should be hilarious. Wanna tag along and see what it’s like?”

“I, sure, yeah, that sounds like a good idea… when would we stop? Uh, actually, when would we start? It’s not even four yet?”

“She doesn’t usually get off her butt into seven or seven thirty or so and is done by elevenish.”

“Uhm, let me just call my dad, uh, do you all have a phone here?”

“…No? We just use cell phones… you don’t have a cell phone?”

I shook my head.

Karen spoke up. “Here, use mine.”

As I dialed my dad’s office number I see Tattletale whispering something to Circus and feel slightly ill, that’s how it started with Emma at school. The whispering, the talking behind my back… then in front of me as if I’m not there… and I realize that the phone’s connected and my Dad’s voice was coming out of it. I quickly apologized and told him that I was at the Vanguard with some other kids my age and that they have an event planned this evening and can I stay? He sounded hesitant but said yes. I thanked him and say goodbye.

I handed the phone back to Karen and she excused herself, saying that she had other work she needed to get back to. Before she left she handed me her card and told me to call her if I ended up needing a ride.

It’s just me and my maybe new team… new friends? Do I want them as friends? I don’t know. I took a deep breath and said “Ok so now what?”

Tattletale has her knowing smirk going again, it makes me nervous and I think that pleases her…

Circus leaned over toward me with her own smirk rivaling Tattletale’s. I noticed that she’s somehow gotten closer to me on the couch. I would swear she started next to Tattletale but now she’s just a few inches from me. “I was going to suggest that we all go browse the boardwalk, window shop, maybe grab a bite to eat.” She made eye contact with me and husked “I know I’d like to get to know you better.”

I blushed, what is she doing, augh, and looking down, I said “I uh, that sounds nice, the… the window shopping.”


	5. 1.5: Preparation and Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shopping, romcoms and gratuitous violence!

**Monday** _(yes, still)_

We were apparently going to go shopping in costume. Or Tattletale and Circus were, I didn’t have one yet. It was a cool fall day and I was glad for my hoodie. We were only maybe half a mile from the boardwalk, close enough that I could smell the ocean. It was kind of surprising just how close we were, but I guess we were coming from the direction that no one ever walked.

Brockton Bay’s boardwalk was the stop for wealthy Bostonians on vacation to stop on their way up to the southern Maine coast. As such, it was full of expensive designer clothes shops, expensive cheap jewelry stores and places selling tourist kitsch with lobsters and pine trees and “cute” phrases adorning everything. It was past labor day, so the most gaudy and useless of shops were shut down for the winter and everything else was a bit more subdued. The boutiques were full of sales on summer clothes as they emptied out space to gear up for Christmas.

As the buildings started getting nicer and the first of the shops that might generously be considered part of the boardwalk came into view, Tattletale spoke up. “So, have you given any thought to your costume?”

I made a face and shook my head. “No, I…” To be honest, I wasn’t entirely comfortable with costumes, I felt like they were a part of how “capes” set themselves apart from ordinary folks. Above ordinary folks. “I guess I can’t put it off much longer.”

“You know nothing says it has to look like a costume, look at me… it just has to conceal your identity. I actually started with the whole spandex thing, but it di…”

We had neared a little locally owned boutique and Circus interrupted, pointing. “Ooh, we should check this one out, I saw something there last week that would look awesome on you.”

What she had in mind turned out to be brick red cross-front top that was short enough to show my belly. There was no way I was going to wear that. I mean, not only was it getting colder, but… and augh, she was bundling me off to a dressing room. Fine! I tried it on and as expected it showed off my vaguely pudgy belly. I was thin, but I was definitely not in shape. I sighed and opened the door…

“See, you’re super cute in it!” Circus exclaimed.

“She’s not wrong you know, it suits you,” Tattletale added.

I rolled my eyes. “It’s too short for winter and it’s too short for me.”

Circus pouted at me and I almost laughed. She shook her head smiling and made a shooing motion. “Ok, back in there with you, I’ll find you something else.”

I slipped back into the changing room, quickly taking it off. I reached for the sweater I’d been wearing under my hoody, but then another top was tossed over the top of the dressing room door.

“Try this!”

And I did. This one was, actually much more to my taste. It was long sleeved, in a similar shade of red with texturing in a darker red along the sleeves and neckline. I tried it on and it was… snug. I was a bit surprised as clothes designed to be tight didn’t usually fit with my figure, or lack there of. 

Opening the door, I found Circus and Tattletale waiting expectantly.

“Ok, ok, this one was a lot better,” I said.

Tattletale looked at me critically. “It’s nice, but I think it’s _too_ you. We need something that doesn’t just read as you but better dressed.”

I startled as Circus ran a hand down my sleeve and glanced at Tattletale, she said “Unfortunately I think you’re right. Back to square one for Qualia outfits.” She turned back to me grinning. “Ok, get back in there and we’ll have a few more for you to try.”

❦

Somehow after what seemed to have been half a dozen more tries, they talked me into a shoulder-less green top, with floofy arms and a cinch that somehow gave me the illusion of curves. I was still a bit dubious about wearing that in our weather, but it was neither here nor there as I didn’t have enough money for purchases with me today. I changed back into my own clothes and stepped out with it.

“Great, so we’ll get that and… I’m thinking a short skirt with leggings, what do you think. Can keep the sneakers. What do you think Teetee?”

I interrupted, “Wait, I can’t get this. I uh, I have like twenty dollars to my name…”

Circus laughed and put her arm around me ushering me toward the check out. “That’s no problem, I’ll cover ya. Charge it to the Vanguard as a marketing expense.”

“I but… you don’t have to…” I stumbled along with her.

“Really, it’s no problem, I insist.”

Tattletale winked at me. “When she’s like this, it’s best to just go along. And for the skirt, I know just the place.

I sighed and let myself be dragged to the checkout. 

As we walked to the next store I noticed that we were getting more looks. Well, Circus was getting looks. Next to her, in her skin tight acrobat’s outfit we were practically invisible. Still, I couldn’t help but feel all the eyes looking our way, even if I wasn’t their focus. I felt myself hunching in on myself, trying to be less conspicuous. It wasn’t working.

When we arrived at the next shop I was grateful to be entering an enclosed space, even if the clerks did double takes at us. Tattletale made a bee-line to some leather skirts. They looked kind of unbelievably short to me. She sorted through a few and picked one out that had a zipper running from one hip down diagonally down to the middle and held it up to me.

I shook my head blushing slightly. “Nuh uh, that’s way too short, you can’t possibly expect me to…”

She grinned. “Remember, you’ll be wearing this over leggings. You have leggings right… no, no you don’t, of course you don’t. Ok, well, we’re getting you some leggings, we can even get you some nice fleece lined ones. Just try this on and make sure it fits.”

❦

Somehow it took us another hour and two more stores to finish up, but we finally did. We ended up at a seafood restaurant right on the ocean. Two months earlier and you’d’ve needed a reservation. Before we were even seated they banished me to the bathroom to change into the “costume” they’d put together for me.

Locked in the single use bathroom, looking in the mirror I had to admit that the outfit did come together. It was like looking at a stranger. The forest green top was still somehow puffy in just the right spots to give me an illusion of curves, and the dark, almost black, green leather skirt looked… sexy? I’m not sure I’d ever actually thought of myself that way. The leggings were a dark green at top fading to black at my ankles. The only bit of my ordinary outfit were my usual black sneakers. Since the top was a bit airy, I also had a large cloak. A cloak. I was afraid it made me look like tourist who spent too much time in Salem but I had to admit that it did add a bit mystery to the overall outfit..

Completing the look I had my hair tied back in a tight, low ponytail. The plan was that ordinarily I’d wear a bandana over my nose and mouth, as the way most masks or goggles worked with my glasses was irritating. But we were about to eat, so I reluctantly put the cheap masquerade mask back on.

I gathered up the bags and walked back out to join Circus and Tattletale. I found them sitting across from each other in a booth. I was expecting some extremely embarrassing comment from Circus, what I wasn’t expecting was silence. Did I put something on wrong? Did I get something on it? I began to panic a little…

“I… wow, you’re stunning Que.”

I felt myself blush and found myself smiling. “It’s not really me, I’m just.” I waved my hands around. “This is really all you two.”

I slid in next to Tattletale and picked up the menu…

❦

The meal passed pleasantly enough. As we finished up there was a triple-beep and Circus checked her phone. Apparently Glory Girl has started her patrol. I tied the bandanna on and finally took off the stupid masquerade mask. Handing over my bags and purse to Circus she put them to that Other Place that she keeps things. We got up and went outside, and huddled together in a corner of the parking lot to talk more.

“Ok, so you know how I said tracking down a flier is a bit tricky? We’ve been trying to follow her typical patrol routes for the past two weeks but haven’t managed to get anywhere in time. But you’re in luck! The Vanguard got us these goodies and you get to try them out with us for the first time!”

A box appeared in her hands and she opened it carefully, inside were a bunch of nondescript hockey puck looking things. “These gorgeous little bits of magic, are tinker-tech teleporters. We’ve got receivers for them laid out across the city, so wherever she goes, we should be able to arrive pretty close. They have two drawbacks, one is that they’re single use. The other is that they’re paired, so we can only go to a given location once.”

“So how do her patrols work anyway? I mean, I can walk around and I don’t see crimes happening randomly on every street corner? Isn’t she essentially a beat cop? Isn’t that super boring?”

Tattletale answered “That’s how they should be, but somehow Glory Girl almost always finds someone to put a fist through. I’m of the opinion that she just finds anyone she thinks is probably guilty of something and hits them until they confess.”

Circus grinned and said “There’s also the rumor that her aura actually just masters people into saying whatever she wants, but Teetee isn’t a fan of it.”

Tattletale rolled her eyes. “That’s just one of the more ridiculous PHO conspiracy theories.” And then grinning at me. “You should see the one’s they have on Circus. Especially after the incident at PRT headquarters.”

Circus laughed. “I do my best to live up to them. My favorite is the one where I seduced both Armsmaster and Miss Militia to get free and now they’re double agents working for me.”

One of the pucks started flashing and I realized that they look nothing so much like one those things they give you at, like, Olive Garden, to tell you when your seat is ready. I grin, suppressing a giggle.

“Wow, Geegee is moving fast tonight. Well, come on, take my hand and we’ll go see what she’s up to.”

I took Circus’ hand and Tattletale grabbed my other hand. Circus did something and … suddenly we’re in a different place. We’re standing at an intersection with a traffic light. The shops I can see are all closed with metal gates pulled down in front of them. 

Tattletale nodded decisively. “This looks like E88 territory, where it kind of blurs into Merchants. If ever there was a place she was going to legitimately run into something this would be it.”

There was a noise to our right and saw a man sprinting toward us on the other side of the street. Or… well, it looked more like he’s sprinting away from something. He was covered in bright white pulsing cracks and when I peeked in one…

«Terror.»

What? I peered closer as the man ran past us, he didn't even seem to see us.

«Has had the feeling of terror imposed on him.»

After a moment I saw Glory Girl float into view. Her flying pose wasn’t quite what I expected. She flew as if she were leaning back against an invisible counter with her ankles crossed. And she was… I can’t imagine a word other than radiant. There was nothing new about how she looked. I’d seen her often enough on TV—the white dress that hung to mid thigh, boots and a golden tiara delicately balanced on her head. Blond hair and cape flowing. But today, here, she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. She was… perfect. My power showed me no flaws. None. I’ve never seen anything like her. And she’s coming over to us… I felt my cheeks flushing, oh goodness, is she going to talk to us?

I glanced at Tattletale and she looked… puzzled. Moving my eyes to Circus and… she looked like a deer caught in headlights. Her mouth was formed into a grimace and I could see those same pulsing white lines over her, broadcasting fear. I looked back at the approaching angel and couldn’t understand Circus’ reaction. I glance again at Tattletale and she nodded to me. I put a hand on Circus’ arm and whispered in what I hoped was a reassuring voice. “Hey, it’s ok, it’s just Glory Girl, she’s…” Circus met my eyes and seemed to come back to herself.

Glory Girl drifted closer. “Oh, hello there, Circus and… I don’t know you two?”

Circus gritted her teeth and stepped forward and said “Could you dial back the aura a bit?”

Looking nonplussed Glory Girl concentrated for a moment and said “oh, I’m sorry about that,” and laughed softly. “I guess that explains why that guy took off. I was actually just going to ask him where I was. Everything kind of looks samey from above at night.”

And it was like a floodlight behind her had gone out and what was left was… actually just a pretty average teenager. The world felt just a little bit dimmer. Sure she was pretty enough, but… I don’t even know what I was seeing before. And then the usual spider web of cracks form around her. Well then.

Tattletale looked like she’d figured something out. Or at least, she was wearing the smuggest grin I’d ever seen on her. “I’m Tattletale, and this, is Qualia,” she said, gesturing to me.

Still blushing slightly, I waved. “Um, hi, nice to meet you.”

She looked back at Circus. “I hear that since you turned a new leaf you’ve been out doing the neighborhood watch thing? Doing more of that tonight?”

Circus nodded warily. “Something like that.”

“So you really just report crimes you see? You don’t intervene?” Glory Girl asked. She sounded completely baffled by the concept.

“We don’t intervene, no,” Circus replied shaking her head, “seems best while we’re rehabilitating my reputation.”

Glory Girl nodded, looking around distractedly. “That makes sense, hey, you wouldn’t happen to know where we are? The city really needs more street signs.”

“25th and Sullivan,” Tattletale answered.

Glory Girl nodded and said “Thanks, well, nice meeting you two, but I’ve got bad guys to catch.” And, with that, disappeared into the sky.

Circus let out a breath. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to her aura.” She looked over at me and said “thanks for distracting me, I… hey, why didn’t it effect you?”

I shook my head. “I—I think it did. At first, she seemed different, beautiful, radiant,” I replied a little dreamily, “perfect. I… it was, she was, wonderful.”

Tattletale said “It was amazing! All the material online about her says that she has an aura that either fills you with terror or awe, but it implies that she can control which. In reality it’s related to your own feelings toward her.” She gestured at Circus. “You’ve been on the other side of the law from her and she was a real threat so it’s not surprising that you’ve still internalized her as enemy. Plus, well, we are kind of out to get her tonight too. Though maybe not that, ‘cause I got the awe version too.” She frowned. “Although my experience wasn’t really like yours Qualia. She was impressive, she came across as super competent and maybe even a little intimidating but not…”

Yeah, let’s just leave that unsaid thanks. I’m blushing again, this is so embarrassing. We’re out here to catch Glory Girl covering up excessive use of force and I’m what, crushing on her? Do I even like girls like that? Before today I’d’ve said no, but today has been very confusing.

Glory Girl. Victoria Dallon. She was every girl’s power fantasy. She triggered a couple of years ago. A member of a superhero family, practically royalty. It was all Emma and I could talk about for weeks. She was only a few years older than us, but there was already talk of how she was a new Alexandria in the making. Beauty, flight, strength, durability. She was exactly what everyone thought of when they thought of a hero. I guess there was a part of me that still saw her as that.

I looked up and down the empty street. “Is it really safe for us to be hanging out here?”

Circus grinned and said “Don’t worry about it, no one’s going to mess with three obvious capes. Or, an obvious cape and her two groupies.”

Tattletale rolled her eyes. “Not your groupie. At least half a dozen of those puck things will take us back to our office, no? Let’s just go back there and wait for one to ping.”

Circus shrugged and pulled one out of the box and reached for my hand.

And we were back in the “living room”part of the… headquarters? Office space? I didn’t really know what to call it.

“C’mon, I want to get something to drink and I can show you around,” Circus said.

As she walked me around it became clear this was almost more of an apartment than an office. Oh, it was office space for sure, but it was furnished to live in. Like the other office, there was a reception area, but this one was behind a locked door.

“So yeah, the kitchen is over here and back through there are some rooms with cots. I’ve been trying to convince Teetee we should get some proper beds for them. The cots are ok but if you’re recovering from a bad night it’s nice to have something a bit more comfy. Oor recovering from a good night,” she said grinning and waggled her eyebrows at me. I couldn’t help but blush, damn her.

She walked into the kitchen and opened up the fridge, grabbing herself a can of something. “You want anything? Nothing hard here, what with us all bein’ underage…” And with a smirk added “That’s a different fridge.”

“Ah um, tea would be great actually.”

She rummaged around for a moment and then handed me a bottle of iced tea. Not quite what I had in mind, I was hoping for hot tea, but it’ll do. “Thanks… hey, Circus?”

“Yeah?”

“Karen told me what Tattletale does, but said I should ask you about what you do?”

“Oh yeah, so I have the best power! I have a _place_ I can put things, well, non-living things, and then get them out again later. You’ve seen that! Plus, also handy, food I put in doesn’t go bad… it’s some kinda stasis thing. Only problem is that anything I take out comes out at 65°, or I’d just keep all the drinks in there. Stiiiill, I’m totally the best person to get lost in the woods with. I also can do some fire stuff, here let me…”

“No burning down the kitchen!” Tattletale shouted from the other room. And I swear I hear an “again” after that.

“It was just a little fire, I didn’t burn down anything,” Circus continues conversationally and pulls out an already lit match and blows on it, producing a fireball maybe a foot across that billows out and up. “See, how big it is depends on how big a fire source I have. I have some looovely big torches lit in there that could make a fireball that’d fill the kitchen!”

“Not inside!” Tattletale shouted again. Circus had been quiet enough that I don’t know how Tattletale could even hear her now.

“So, if your power resets the temperature on things, how do they remain burning?” I asked.

Circus shrugged. “Powers are bullshit. Soo, I’m getting to the best part, I have perfect accuracy and balance.” 

She pulled a tulip out of the air and threw it and somehow it managed to wedge in my hair as if it’d been placed there. I couldn’t help but reach up and touch it and I must have been looking pretty impressed because she was grinning in her most self congratulatory way again. 

“Wow, that’s pretty handy” I said.

“And handy with pretty girls too,” she replied and that was too cheesy even for me and I rolled my eyes at her. She continued “well, let’s not leave Teetee waiting or she’ll think we’ve snuck off for some ‘private time’.”

I followed her back trying to figure out how to reply to that. This girl, I swear.

❦

We spent the next hour watching a movie. Turns out that they had a TV they could wheel in to the room with the couch. The movie was some romcom I hadn’t heard of. Somehow both Tattletale and Circus managed to break my expectations of them. Tattletale seemed a bit bored with it all and Circus was really into it. We’d managed to go forty five minutes without innuendo, I think it was a record. And… I actually liked the movie quite a bit too. It was genuinely funny and the leads had some real chemistry. It’d been so long since I’d been to a movie. Dad was never up to it, not after Mom. And for a while I’d watched things with Emma. We’d rent them and watch them at her house. But then… she’d even managed to ruin those memories. Mocking my tastes in movies, using everything she knew about me to… I blinked as I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked over to see Circus looking at me with concern on her face.

“Hey, are you ok, it looked like you went to a bad place there. We don’t have to watch this if you…”

I shook my head and forced myself to smile. “No no, this is good, just some bad memories but not because of the movie.” And then felt my smile become a little more warm, more genuine. “Thank you, I’m actually really enjoying this.”

I caught myself wondering what it’d feel like to lean up against her. Ah, where had that thought come from? Blushing, I squeezed my eyes shut and went back to watching.

After a few minutes another puck began to flash. I glanced around at Tattletale and Circus and we all stood up. Circus grabbed my hand and I grabbed Tattletale’s and Circus grabbed the pucks and then we were elsewhere.

An enormously loud clang greeted us, followed by screams and the sounds of running. Looking around, I found we were in an old industrial area, full of unused warehouses and old office parks. Glory Girl’s aura was going full blast and I felt myself drawn toward her, the aura acting like a magnetic force. We walked quickly into a parking lot and found her flying out of one of the buildings carrying a man upside down by the leg. She threw him deeper into the ally, maybe ten feet and we heard another grunt of pain.

I glanced over and saw that Circus had a video camera out. As we came around the corner I saw Glory Girl floating in the middle of the alley—it was a dead end—and she was apparently busily texting. Odd. And Circus had the camera hidden away again just in time for Glory Girl to glance up.

“Oh hey there! Perfect timing! Can you watch these guys for like five minutes? I’ll be _right_ back! Promise!” And without waiting for a reply she vanished into the sky again.

We walked into the ally and saw that the man she’d thrown in seemed to be recovering. He glared up at us but didn’t get up. 

“What do we have here, hmm?” Tattletale walked over to the dumpster pushed up against the other corner. “Oooh, this is bad. This is very bad.”

I rushed over and saw that there was another man pinned behind the dumpster. He was breathing but it was wet…

«Concusion. Several broken ribs. Punctured left lung.»

…and my power interrupts my line of thought. I shook my head to clear it and repeated what my power had told me.

Tattletale made a hissing sound, “It’s bad. It’s going to kill him. Soon. I assume Glory Girl isn’t dumb enough to think he’s ok, so presumably she’s off picking up Panacea. Hopefully they don’t dawdle.”

I looked around and saw Circus filming again. She’s been questioning the other one…

“… and it was after he shot at her that she kicked the dumpster at him?”

“Yeah, that’s right. Me, I ran, but she’s fast and before I know it… I think she broke my leg.”

I looked at him and let my power take over again. What I saw were some personality defects that I hadn’t seen before mixed in with the trauma I saw everywhere, plus something entirely new thing that a little more attention revealed to be addiction. Physically I didn’t see anything more than bruising. I did get the feeling some of those bruises may be nearly as debilitating as a broken bone though. I shook my head. “Nah, I don’t see anything broken.”

Circus walked back over to the man pinned behind the dumpster to record him from another angle. I kept a wary eye and distance from Mr Bruised. I _think_ he’s too hurt to attack me, but I can’t be sure.

A few minutes passed before I felt Glory Girl’s aura again. It seems to be rapidly approaching again, either that or ramping up quickly. And then she was here. She touched down carrying a girl bridal style. The girl in her arms was obviously Panacea. The white robe with red crosses on it and a red scarf was pretty distinctive. I barely gave her a glance as Glory Girl’s radiance has never been so strong, I just wanted to soak in her beauty and perfection and… I need to fight this.

“Glory Girl, your aura, please.” I said through gritted teeth.

She gave a slightly embarrassed laugh and I could once again see her as a human. She set her sister down in front of her. With the aura toned down I can look properly at her sister. She looks, I don’t know, annoyed? It’s hard to tell with the scarf over her mouth. Her skein of cracks came into view and some looked almost etched into her, that’s new… but first thing’s first…

“Uh, hi, you probably want to look at that one now. I think you getting here was a really close thing,” I said, nodding at the dumpster.

She glowered at me for a moment and went over to him and touched his forehead. “Geez Vicki, you really did a number. Do you have any idea, any idea, how close he was to dying?”

I saw Glory Girl rolling her eyes at her sister’s back and with long suffering voice said “I imagine you’re going to tell me.”

“Another minute? Two? And he might have been beyond me. Hey, move this thing off him so I can finishing knitting his ribs.”

Glory Girl pulled the dumpster back half a foot with one hand, no more trouble than pulling an office chair. I watched him as Panacea used her power and it was… astonishing. I could see the cracks that represented his physical ailments closing and sealing. I’d never seen them move or change before. After a moment, I saw another crack seal up as well.

“You did his addiction too” I said, surprised.

She glowered at me again and turned to Glory Girl. “And who is this?”

“Oh, right, introductions!” Glory Girl sounded way more excited by this than she should be. “Everyone, this is my sister Panacea, Panacea, this is Qualia and Tattletale, they’re part of that watch thing with Circus that the wards were talking about.”

Panacea’s look darkened and she practically spat at me. “I don’t buy this going good nonsense for a minute. If you’re with her you must be up to something.” She stomped over to the other man and he shied away. With the look she was giving I didn’t blame him. “Oh for heavens sake.” She lunged forward, her hand brushing his and he fell still, his own injury lines sealing up to my sight.

She walked back to Glory Girl, and said somewhat bitterly. “You can’t keep doing this. Someday I’m not going to be in time.” She turned her glower on us, looking each of us in the eye in turn. When her gaze stopped on Circus she said “I don’t want to hear a word.”

Glory Girl rolled her eyes. “It’s fine sis, you worry to much. They’re cool.”

Circus grinned at her, and with hand over her heart, said “Not a word from _me_ , I swear.” She gave a half bow and then turned her attention to me and Tattletale. “Seems like they’ve got things in hand, shall we move on ladies?”

As I walked out of the alley I glanced behind me and saw Glory Girl was on the phone. Calling in her “arrest” apparently. We walked out into the parking lot and once we were out of their line of sight, Circus pulled out another puck and we were back in the living room.

There was a moment of silence after we arrived as we all looked at each other, processing what we’d just seen. I could feel my own anger building. 

“What the fuck was that? Did she really just shrug off nearly killing someone like it’s no big deal. She’s supposed to be one of the good guys,” I fume. “Errgh, I _know_ we were going out to follow her for a reason. But that wasn’t excessive force, that was very nearly murder. And she’s argh, she’s everything wrong with how things are.”

Tattletale and Circus just looked at me for a moment, and then Tattletale had her all knowing grin back. Circus put an arm around me and began leading me over to the couch, with a small smile she asked “So I take it that means you’ll be joining us then?”

I nodded and sat down, “Of course! We’re putting the video up right? Were those men even doing anything wrong?”

Tattletale shook her head. “I don’t think so. They probably had drugs on them but that’s half the city and I didn’t get anything else. One did take a shot at her, but that was almost certainly due to her aura.”

Circus grimaced. “Still, I’m sure they’ll play up the ‘New Wave Cleans the Streets of Dangerous Armed Junkies’ angle. I’ll be taking the video over to the Vanguard offices and they’ll do the whole press release thing. I expect they’ll wait for New Wave to make an official statement, since it’s even better if they can catch New Wave downplaying something like that.”

I glanced up at the clock—a quarter after nine. “Is there anything more to do tonight? This is a bit earlier than we’d said, but my Dad would be happier with me home sooner.”

Circus exchanged a glance with Tattletale, who got a momentary look of surprise as something seemed to pass between them. Circus nodded and removed her mask and stuck her hand out. “If we’re going to be a team together I figure we ought to know each other out of costume. I’m Alex.”

I took off my bandana and took her hand, she had a surprisingly gentle grip. “I’m Taylor.”

Turning to Tattletale I saw that she had already removed her mask and I was honestly shocked how different she looked. She went from a bit severe, almost intimidating to … cute. It took five years off her face. Some of that was the freckles but some–well, I couldn’t quite see how she was the same person. She grinned her usual grin and waved. “I’m Lisa.”

I smiled awkwardly. “Nice to, uhm, meet you all, I guess.”

“I don’t actually do this very often,” said Circus, er, no, Alex.

“Do what? Unmask?”

“Well, yes, that too, but what I meant was that I’m usually boy-mode out of costume. I’m in costume often enough that I kinda get my fill of doing the femme thing then, you know?”

My puzzled expression must have been pretty obvious, because she continued, “Ah, oh hell, so sometimes I’m a guy and sometimes I’m a girl and it kinda varies. I debuted as Circus as a girl so I’m kinda stuck there, so now more often than not I’m a guy when I’m out of costume.”

I took a moment to process that and then shrugged, “So are you Alex either way? I’m surprised you haven’t setup a second cape identity then?”

“Yup, it’s a handy name like that. And believe me, I’ve thought about it, but it seems like an awful lot of trouble and this has been working out ok.”

There was an awkward silence. “Well… I… I guess I’ll see you two tomorrow? I should go get changed out of my ‘costume’ clothes.”

I came out of one of the bedrooms, changed into my hoodie and jeans, my hair loose again. Alex met me at the door and took my pile of costume clothes and quickly pulls the bags we purchased them in out of her other-space and puts the clothes away in them. She handed them back to me and we walked back to the couch room and then the back door.

“Would you like a ride home? I’ve got a car out front…”

She sounded more hesitant than before. I smiled at her. “Thanks, I’d like that.”

She grinned back and slipped her mask back on. “All right, follow me.”

I waved to Lisa and followed Alex through the frankly labyrinthine hallways out to the front door. She showed me to a tiny older hatchback. It embodied every stereotype of “student car” that I could think of, right down to the patch of bondo on the door. We got in and I told her where I lived.

As we drove, she said “I hope you enjoyed the evening, Glory Girl aside. That’s actually the most exciting it’s been for us so far. ”

“Yeah, it was… really nice. Honestly, even with Glory Girl I think it was the best time I’ve had in…” I trailed off. In over a year. “Uh, a long time.”

“Things not great with your dad? _”_

I swallowed. “Uh, no, I mean, he’s ok, he’s just not been the same since Mom died and that was years ago.” After a moment I added “it was ok for a while—I had my best friend. I don’t know if I would have made it without her.”

The silence stretched. “Did something happen to her?”

I laugh a little bitterly, “I guess? I don’t know, I came back from camp before high school and suddenly I’m not her friend any more? Suddenly she _hates_ me and is trying to make me miserable. My power says that she went through something awful but… I have no idea what that could be.”

“I’m really sorry. No one should have to go through that.”

I’m not surprised to find her voice full of warmth but I’m pleased that there’s none of the pity that I’d feared. “I’ve, uh, not told anyone else about… about what she’s been doing to me, so please…”

“Of course, I won’t say a word.” Another moment passed and we neared my house. She pulled into the driveway, parking the car and turned to look at me. “I know how that goes. I’m not on speaking terms with my family. I’ve been on my own for two years now. They… didn’t approve of me and doubly didn’t approve of me being a cape. Well, I won’t keep you, but… Taylor?”

I nodded. “Yeah?”

“If you ever need someone to talk to, about that or anything else, I’m here for you, ok?”

I smiled a little and nodded and said “Thank you.” With that I stepped out of the car and entered my house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I did ok with Circus' explanation of their enbyness.


	6. 1.6 - Yourself, In the Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taylor recalls her conversation with her father after coming home and starts her morning at the Vanguard with Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not at all what I originally planned for it. Originally Danny was going to go push their way into the school immediately, but ultimately it just didn't feel right. So instead things went a little differently…

** Tuesday **

I woke up before my alarm and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I dragged myself out of bed. As I was showering I was still processing yesterday. I kind of got butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it but I also couldn’t wait till I could go back again. When I got home last night, I was still riding high, from everything we’d done, from opening up to Alex, all of it. So I’d used all of that, to screw up the courage to finally tell Dad about the bullying.

I knew I was going to have to if I wanted to actually get out of that school, but it was still hard. He… he was incandescent with rage. Not at me of course, but at the school, at the teachers, at my fellow students. I’ve never seen him so mad, and it was a bit scary. He was so mad that his hands shook and he paced around the living room. It took me half an hour to talk him down from just charging in and screaming at people. That wasn’t going to help. This, of course, was why I hadn’t told him sooner. But I had a plan now.

I’d explained about what Karen had told me, that I could just withdraw and get a GED and still get into a college. Beth backed me up: Even if the college I wanted wasn’t interested at first, I could go to a community college for a year or two and transfer later.

Well, if I was going to college. But I wasn’t prepared to have that conversation with my Dad yet. There were still a lot of conversations I wasn’t prepared to have with my Dad yet. That Emma had orchestrated it. Oh, he’d asked about her, of course. And I’d let slip that she and I weren’t friends any more, that she didn’t defend me. But I could not, would not, tell him what how far she’d gone. All the things she’d done to me, that the daughter of his oldest friend was the one doing this to me.

I couldn’t tell him about my powers either not with him like this. He’d always seemed very uncomfortable when the topic of capes came up. I didn’t really know what his problem with them… us… was, but I knew he wouldn’t be thrilled to learn that I was one. Oh and the whole probably bisexual thing, but I don’t even know myself there exactly. I guess I’ll have to have those conversations eventually, but one crisis at a time.

I told him that I was planning to volunteer at the Vanguard while I worked on finishing my credentials and… well, I wouldn’t say he was happy about that either but Beth helped me convince him.

I finished my shower and went back to my room and started putting away my, uh, cape outfit? Costume? Calling it a costume seemed wrong but I suppose it was easiest. Tucked away in the back one of the bags was something I didn’t remember. I pulled it out…

It was the brick red textured top that I’d liked, but that had been declared “too me”. How did this get here? I was certain that it hadn’t been in there when I’d put on my costume yesterday at the Vanguard office. And yet, here it was.

I huffed, it must have been Alex—I just couldn’t work out when, exactly. I held it up to myself and looked in my mirror. It _was_ cute. I put it on and got the rest of the way dressed and went downstairs.

As I neared the kitchen I could hear Dad and Aunt Beth talking in intense tones. I heard a fragment of her part—something about a “brilliant young woman who will be an asset to the organization”. I didn’t catch all of what my dad said next but it ended with “had better not get my daughter locked up.” Well. On that note, I think maybe it’s time to join in person.

I stepped into the kitchen and said cheerily “Good morning!” I could immediately smell coffee and made a bee line for it.

“Good morning kiddo. I hope you slept well?”

I shrugged and said “Okay I guess, took a while to get to sleep. I was kinda wound up.” I poured myself a cup and sat down at the table between Aunt Beth and Dad.

They shared a look and my Dad said, “I called the school. They’ve got some paperwork for me to fill out and we’ve got an appointment setup for Thursday to finalize everything.”

I nodded. “That sounds good.”

“What are you planning for the day?”

“I’m not sure? Can I get started at the Vanguard today?”

Aunt Beth said “I’m sure you can sweetie. I can bring you in with me if you’d like?”

“Thanks,” I replied and got up to get breakfast.

❦

We arrived at the Vanguard offices and Aunt Beth turned off the car and turned toward me.

“So I hear you all made a big splash last night? Liking your new teammates?”

“Yeah, I still can’t believe Glory Girl could be _so_ cavalier. I guess somehow I thought that she must just be, like, hurting people by accident. But no…” I said, shaking my head.

I continued and shrugged, “Tattletale seems nice enough, I didn’t get to know her that well. And Circus,” and I find myself flushing slightly, “I liked Circus too.” Despite her teasing. Ok, fine, maybe because of her teasing.

“Well, I’m glad to hear it honey. Come on, we’ll get you keys to your team’s side and you can get settled in.”

We got out of the car and walked into the Vanguard office. “Do you have a computer with Internet access I could borrow? I should really do some of my own research on who we’re going to be running into.”

We walked back to Karen’s office and Aunt Beth nodded and said, “I’m sure that can be… ah, Karen? So if you haven’t heard, Taylor’s on board. Can you get her what she needs? I’ve got a meeting I’m due at…”

Karen smiled at both of us. “Of course Beth, Taylor why don’t you sit down and I’ll go over a few things.”

I hugged Aunt Beth goodbye and waved as she left, “See you tonight!”

I shut the door and sat down across from Karen.

“Ok, first thing’s first, here’s a cell phone. Please keep it on you at all times. It has my contact information and your teams already programmed into it. If an emergency comes up we’ll contact you with it.”

As I took the phone she reached into a drawer in her desk and withdrew an envelope and handed it to me. “This is two hundred dollars, for any incidental expenses you run into. If you have a bigger expense, talk to Circus, she knows how to put that through.

“You’ll also be receiving a regular pay check. Speaking of which, we should setup an account under your pseudonym so you can deposit that. I can take care of that if you like?”

I nodded and said “Uh, thank you, I’d never thought about that before.”

“You’ll still need to file taxes of course. The IRS has a separate set of forms for filing as a pseudonymous parahuman. I can help you out with those when the time comes. It’s a higher tax rate, I’m afraid, to stop ordinary folks from fraudulently claiming to be parahuman.”

She hummed and said, “What else? Oh yes, here, this card has the address for the office next door. You can have mail delivered to Qualia there without any questions.”

“I asked my Aunt but, do you have a computer with Internet access I could use? I’d like to do some research.” I said.

She smiled at me. “That’s no problem, there’s a computer already setup over in your team’s space that you can use. Oh and yes, the last thing is keys…”, she said, pausing to rummage through another drawer.

Placing a keyring with a single key on it on the desk she said, “This is your key. Feel free to use the space any time, it’s yours as much as anyone’s now.”

I collected the key and got up and said, “Thank you for everything, I guess I’ll head over and get started.”

❦

The computer was setup next to the kitchen area, facing a wall. It was also a lot nicer than I was used to. The school’s computers were pretty old and they were hardly high end when they were new. This one… was top of the line. As it booted I saw the logo and famous “made in Canada” tag of that tinker-written OS that was all over the news last year. After Leviathan had attacked the San Francisco bay area nearly ten years ago the tech sector there had collapsed. Folks had assumed that Seattle would take over but instead it seemed that Vancouver. I suppose being home to _the_ premier tinker in the world probably attracted a lot of talent.

My power showed me an array of very minor manufacturing defects in the hardware but hardly any wear. Everything was so zippy and responsive I could almost cry. I pulled up the PHO wiki entry for Glory Girl and started reading.

Let’s see, summaries of her public appearances, official New Wave bio, official summary of powers. Pictures of her. Geez, more pictures of her. Rumors… which, uh, yeah, those aren’t useful. Rumors around Glory Girl seem to be focused on shipping her with half the wards. Ah, there is a brief mention of the excessive force thing, sandwiched between a rumor that she’s secretly a member of the Triumvirate and one that she’s seeing Aegis behind her boyfriend’s back.

There was a lot there, but didn’t find it very useful. I felt pretty self conscious as I looked up my new teammates, but did it anyway. With Tattletale I found… nothing. Not even a page. I guess she did say she was new. Circus’ page was rather more complete. It said she appeared on the cape scene about a year ago and has been visible, but low profile since then. Pictures of her had her in half a dozen different costumes. There was a summary of her powers that didn’t seem too far off from what she had told me, though it was missing the perfect balance and aim thing. There was a list of thefts attributed to her, but they were flagged as “suspected”. The PRT incident was described in great detail, however, with a number of pictures of filled-with-confoam gift shop. And finally there was a note of her claim to not be a villain and her association with the Vanguard. I wondered what they had to say about us and went to click and jumped as I heard a door open down the hall and footsteps. 

“Hello?” I called out.

Coming around the corner was a boy, maybe my age, maybe a little younger. Not very tall, only maybe an inch taller than me. He had brown hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. He was wearing red jeans and a black windbreaker that was open over a white t-shirt. He was cute in a not-so-intimidating kind of way. There was something familiar about his smile. “Alex?”

He grinned. “Got it in one. What’cha up to? I didn’t expect to see you back here so soon.”

His voice, like his smile was familiar but I’m not sure I would have recognized it straight off. It wasn’t that it was deeper exactly but it had a different timbre and cadence.

“So with the bad time I’ve been having at school I talked to my dad and… I’m going to be withdrawing and doing the GED thing, you know? So I’m still figuring that out I guess? I thought I’d research local capes more so I wouldn’t be caught as flat footed as I was by Glory Girl’s aura last night.”

“Sounds like solid thinking,” and peering around me at the screen, “and looking me up I see. Find anything juicy?”

I felt myself blushing in embarrassment. “I thought it would be a good idea to know what folks were saying about my teammates, that’s all. Did you know they’ve never heard of Tattletale?”

“I did. Well, that’ll all change this Thursday. The Vanguard PR folks would like to do the press release then. Will you be available?”

“Yeah, uhm, in the afternoon anyway. We have a meeting with the school in the morning.”

“Good, good. Before then they’d like to do some PR photos of us in costume. They’ve got individual shots of Teetee and me of course, but they’d like some team shots in addition to some of you. And for Thursday they’d like us available when the press comes calling.”

I nodded having mixed feelings. I wasn’t too keen on photos really, but it was obviously necessary. And I had to admit that my costume did look pretty good. “So what has you here so early this morning? Karen said that you all usually are only here in the evenings?”

Alex gave a short laugh, “Yeah, that’s true. I was here super late last night finishing up the reports on our little visit to Glory Girl. Plus I did a first pass edit on the video I recorded. It was late enough I decided to just crash here.” He paused for a moment and then said, “I’m going to make some coffee, you want some?”

I shook my head, the one cup I’d had was almost already too much. “Hey, do you know anything about… uh, figuring out more about powers? ‘Cause I dunno, I guess I don’t feel like I really know much about mine yet.”

Alex nodded, “A little bit. I had a bit of a mentor when I first started out and they helped me figure out some of the details.” As he spoke he filled a kettle and started it boiling and moved on to picking out coffee beans. There were more kinds than I’d seen outside a shop in that little kitchen’s cupboard. He continued, “The key thing is to be methodical. We can pick a particular approach and then explore that thoroughly. Teetee can probably suggest some approaches you wouldn’t think of otherwise, but ultimately the testing is gonna be up to you.”

“That makes sense, I guess, uhm, I’m still not sure where I’d even start though.”

Having picked out his beans he added them to a little hand grinder and turned back to me while he cranked the handle. “Ok, so you have a thinker power, so off the top of my head my list would be: How does it work on you? How does it work on things? How does it work on ideas? And finally how does it work on other people?”

I nodded. “Ok, that sounds pretty good. So that first one, it does seem to work on me, I guess. I have to look in a mirror though.”

He finished the grinding and set the little grinder back on the counter. “Ok, does it work if you look at your hands, or your feet?”

I held out my hand and looked at my nails critically, as if I was really the sort of girl who cared about her nails. I’d painted them before in play with Emma when we were little but now, well, as a social outcast I didn’t have any girlfriends who were going to do makeup with me. And with my Mom dead… well to be honest, even if she were still around she was never much for makeup, she probably wouldn’t have been much help anyway. I willed my power to show me something but it stubbornly refused. I shook my head. “No, it doesn’t seem to work like that.”

Alex poured his grounds into a funnel/filter contraption that seemed to be precariously balanced on top of a coffee cup and poured the boiling water into it. He nodded. “Alright, let’s try with you looking in a mirror then. Have you tried this much on your own yet?”

“No, I… uh, at first I couldn’t help but see and I thought I was being, I don’t know, super self critical or something? But since I’ve gotten some control I’ve tried not to.”

He paused to look at me for a moment. “Are you sure you’re comfortable trying this?”

I took a breath and nodded, “I’ve gotta, I’ve gotta face this sometime.”

He walked past me and over to one of the bathrooms, turning on the light. “Try to put what you’re seeing into words,” his voice sounding gentle, “if you find it’s too much don’t worry about it, we’ll try something else. Don’t make yourself push through.”

I stepped in next to him and faced the mirror. My power spread over the mirror and I willed it to go further and it recentered on me. There were a lot of familiar patterns. “When I first saw myself with my power it was focused on um, physical imperfections? Which is why I thought I was just being self conscious. But now I can see a spider web of cracks radiating out centered on my face. It doesn’t really look any different than anyone else’s. They’re kind of different… colors? If I focus on one then I get a sense of what it represents.”

“Do the colors mean anything? Are the consistent between people?”

“I … I think so? I mean, yes, they seem to be. Like, there’s a black line that I associate with depression. How big a crack is seems to somehow correlate with how big a, mmm, flaw, it is? That one seems… kind of average?”

“Ok, so what do see if you concentrate on that particular line?”

I peered into my depression line and… I suddenly felt the world swallow me up. Every moment when I’d embarrassed myself, every time I’d felt isolated and alone, it all came crashing back in on me. I could feel loneliness and grief and anger at my mother’s death. I could see Emma there, just through the mirror, telling me again that I wasn’t her friend any more, that she couldn’t be friends with losers like me. I could feel tears running down my cheeks. Somehow I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t… I could feel Alex’s hand on my shoulder and vaguely hear him saying my name. He turned me and my view of the mirror fell away and I was back with myself, looking at him now.

“Taylor! Are you… are you going to be ok?” The worry was evident in his voice.

Tears still running down my cheeks I felt entirely overwhelmed and leaned up against him. Feeling his arms go around me I clung to him and let out a sob. I closed my eyes and felt dizzy, I could still feel the memories swirling around me. My Mom’s funeral, my Dad’s own depression and distance, Emma’s many betrayals. Finally it seemed to slow and I disengaged myself. I pushed my glasses up as I rubbed my eyes. “I’m sorry about that, I… I didn’t expect that.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” he said, his voice very careful. He led me back out to the kitchen. “Here’s a box of kleenex and let me make you some tea. We have some herbals.”

I nodded hazily and gratefully took a tissue. It gave me an excuse to cover my face again. That was… awful and embarrassing. I’m not usually that fragile. I shook my head and said “I don’t … when I look at other folks lines I just um, almost hear a voice? It describes what’s behind the line. I’ve never experienced the emotion behind it.”

Alex heated up more water and made me a mug of chamomile tea. Soon it was ready and we went out into the couch area and sat down next to each other. For a long moment we just sat there, each sipping at our own drinks.

“Did… did you want to talk about it?” he asked.

I wasn’t sure. I’d made it through my mother’s death because of Emma’s support, and even then I’d cried for what felt like a week straight. “I, well, I was hit by all of the emotions from when my mom died. And on top of that Emma’s…” I could feel my lip start to tremble and tears prick my eyes. I took another sip of tea to center myself. “Well, all of the things she’s done.”

“Emma was your best friend? The one who went sour?”

I took another sip of my tea, “Yeah.”

He looked down in his coffee cup and then back up at me, “Hey, you want to get out of here? Go to a park maybe? We can people watch and you can test the, ahm, safer parts of your power?”

I smiled and said “That sounds nice.”


End file.
